Why? Why Not?

It's been a tough day emotionally. My heart goes out to several families who have had some devastating blows. Confidentiality prohibits me from saying much. After nearly four years in the Heart Clinic, I've watched some of these kids grow up from birth. As a fellow human being, I can't help but to feel emotion when I see and hear some of what goes on every day. Why? Why didn't their hearts form properly? Why is this previously healthy child now on death's door? Why, when the parents have so much love for these children? Why, when their hopes were raised so high after surgery, do they come to find that it wasn't successful and there's not much more that can be done? Why?

There's no answer. There's only a counter-question: Why not? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Because these things happen. Simple as that.

Because bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people, too. You can hypothesize and pontificate all day, to no avail. It's just the way it is.

But still, to see the hope on their faces before seeing the doctor, and see the tears after...it's not fair. But life isn't fair. Life happens to all of us, good or bad. Good AND bad.

So I will keep smiling, keep cooing over the gorgeous babies and keep chatting with the families about whatever they want to chat about. That's what I can do to help them. I can offer a empathetic ear, maybe even a hand on a shoulder or a hug. Or I can tell them all about my wedding plans and how I came to be in New Zealand to keep their minds off of the overwhelming sense of impending doom that they fear may await them at the end of their consultation.

I wish I had a magic wand and an endless supply of happy fairy dust. I would use them to fix all the broken hearts in all the families who walk through my doors. I would sprinkle magic fairy dust everywhere and everyone would feel at peace, no matter what good or bad might happen.

Springing

So I've recently realized that I've turned into a bit of a bitch. My head has grown disproportionately to my body and I think I'm extra special. Time to come back down to earth!

It's spring, and I'm doing a bit of spring cleaning. My ego needs a bit of a huck out. I look around and see that the trees are sprouting leaves, the flowers are blooming, and the spring lambs are springing. It makes me feel happy. And a bit humble, because no one has to tell a flower that it's pretty in order for it to bloom, it just does, and the springing lambs spring because that's just what they do. You see, I get it from all angles. At work, the bosses call me the boss. Bob tells me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me every day. I've been in the spotlight amongst my friends for being recently engaged. All of this has added up to one big fat ego trip, and I'm not being very nice. I need to pull my head in STAT! I also need a holiday. Good thing I'm off to Australia for a week from Sunday!

So here's the plan: Be nice to EVERYONE!!! Remember that I am NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! And most importantly, remember to give thanks and show gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life.